What now?

So I didn't know where else to write this so I decided to put it here, I doubt anyone reads it but I needed somewhere to write.

I have no idea what to do anymore. I have no job, and don't really want one...cause all I can really get is dead-end meaningless shit. I can't go back to school cause I have no money or credit and I still owe my last school money. The woman of my dreams wants to "just be friends" and that is killing me. I was going to move out to LA but now I don't even think I want to do that since I was going to move out there for her. Just kind of seems like a waste now. I hate living here in Orlando, I just feel so alone. I really only have one friend who I ever see and latley I feel like I am using her just to get around since my damn car is still in the shop. I haven't hung out with Greg in god knows how long and that sucks. It's as much my fault as it is his. I am just really unhappy and have been for a really long time now. I just wish I could solve some of these problems. Mainly the woman one. I either want her to feel for me like I do for her or for me to stop feeling the way I do. Since as it stands I feel like crap. I wish I could get some sort of a sign or a path or something. I don't even know what I want to do anymore, forget what I am going to do I don't even know what I WANT to do. How sad is that?

Welcome new douche bags

Hey welcome new douche bags. If you are newly reading this blog then I am talking to you. Eat shit!

For my old readers ignore this as it isn't ment for you. But my most recent landlord decided to send someone or waste the time herself to find my blogs so this is targeted at her/them. FUCK YOU, you morons. I am better then you and I know it.

Goddamn it...

I am sure no one is reading this anymore but I don't give a shit, I need somewhere to talk and this was the only place I could think of to do it that the person I am talking about wouldn't read it.

So a few months ago I dated a girl, I really liked her and we had been friends for a while. At the time things just didn't work out for us, she was really busy, and I was really busy and I was still not over Holly at the time. So we broke it off. But we stayed friends, and that was fine for a while. Of course the Holly thing didn't pan out, and I actually stopped being friends with her at all. Well the other girl and I started hanging out more and more, espically in the last month or two since she is moving to LA in June/July, so we have been trying to see each other as much as possible. Well I started to have feelings for her again, and I felt like she was having them too. So after thinking about it for a couple of days (or a week) I decided that I was going to sack-up and ask her back out. I figured that if I could come up with good answers for all of her objections to it then we could make it work. Well I did, and she said yes! I was really happy about it. (though in retro-spect I just hard sold her on the idea and just broke down her will to say no, I guess I did learn something selling cars) Well a week goes by, and I haven't seen her since, I have tried to but it just hasn't happened. So tonight I made the supid mistake of asking her friend if she has seemed a bit stand-offish or just off to her or if it was just to me. Well the friend of course just tells her every fucking word I said and she gets all pissed at me, and then pissed at me for thanking the friend for opening her mouth! After a long talk, all over AIM mind you, she ends the relationship. She just says that she doesn't want to get attached to me, only to break up with me in two months, because no matter what happens she is going to break up with me in two months. She is moving to LA single no matter what. She says all this BS about being bad at relationships and what not but I just think it's excuses. I am pretty upset about it, but I am only a little bit mad at her about it, I am not real thrilled with her friend for telling her what I asked as that seemed to spark the whole thing. She now says that if things are ment to be then they will be, but I have found that in life, that is bullshit. If things are ment to be and you don't fight for them they they don't happen. There is no MENT TO BE! There is only what you make happen. To quote the Terminator movies "There's no fate but what you make." Don't believe me sit on your ass and try to get a job, or get in shape, or get a girlfriend, just don't leave the house. You think that you are going to get any of those things?? Fuck no! No go out and try to get a job, I bet you can, go out and try to get in shape, I bet you can, girlfriend I bet so too. You know what the more I type all this the madder I am getting about it. I am also pretty pissed because I just spent like $100 on costume shit for a costume just to go with one she made...GOD DAMN IT, I could have spent that money on something else.

A paradox in my mouth!

Wow I haven't posted here in forever, and I doubt anyone is still reading this but who gives a shit I am posting now. And what you may ask spurned me into making this epic post? Well fine folks today I ate a paradox. That's right a paradox. (look it up if you don't know what it means) Today I went to Universal with Tally just to get out of the apartment ( a new one by the way, I moved a couple of weeks ago). While there we stopped at the candy store on our way out of Studios before heading to IOA. At the aformentioned candy store I found something called "crunchy gummy bears." Now these are not just stale gummy bears because stale are no longer gummy, just hard. These are gummy bears covered in a bunch of tiny little crunchy balls, like spinkles or something, but they are still soft and chewey in the middle. I ate one and I thought my mouth was going to open up into a black hole or consume it's self or something. The bear is both crunchy and gummy at the same time. It was confusing, and it blew my mind. I might have to go back tomorrow just to get some more of these things to see if I can time travel or something if I eat them. That is all... wasn't that worth it? No? Fuck you.